I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
