It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
