bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
