you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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