I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
