I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
