I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I would ride that face into the sunset
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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