i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
