just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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