I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
