playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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