he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
