This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
