Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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