you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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