in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
