ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Success! We fucked roommates!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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