He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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