Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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