Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
