Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
