i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
