Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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