What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
