i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
