I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
