my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
