there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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