Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
