OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
