Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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