Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
