I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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