I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
