Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
