I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
