you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
