I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
