just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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