last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
