It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
