Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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