yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
