Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
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Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
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I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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