theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize