you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
