Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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