so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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