i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
