How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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