Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
