Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
