i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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