Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
