we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
