Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
