I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
