if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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