If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
