I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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