oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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