So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
