Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
the gays at disneyland are vicious
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
