Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
