Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
