So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
