Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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