her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just want nice things and good sex
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
