i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
