Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
