where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
