everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I seem to have left my pride at pride
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
