Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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