i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
