she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
