I feel like abortions should bother me more
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
