...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
