how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
