He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
