So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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