sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Couch. On fire.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
