Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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