I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
