dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Operation Purity has been aborted
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
