I'm drive I can fine osifer
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
