this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize