The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
