Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
