i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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