i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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