someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
