dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Randomize
